Unemployment.

Before I begin to type about the past four weeks (or 4032x10min.) of my life, I am not writing this post for sympathy…for job offers maybe, but not sympathy. Onward. (Note: this isn’t going to be depressing).

Sadly, I’ve felt like this:

It looks like he’s about to let out some artificial farts by blowing into his palms–this technique is usually better than slobbering all over your arm while forcefully exhaling your lungs and shrinking them to little Kanye West “808’s & Heartbreak” balloons.

Okay, I’m not depressed nor do I ever set my face in my hands in such a weird way. I’ve just been…anxious. Some people have the ability to treat a period of unemployment as if it were a LL Cool J music video.

For me, not so much. A month into my internship this past summer, I began to send my resume and cover letter(s) to a billion places in hopes of some part-time job/internship, but to my dismay, my efforts didn’t land me anything. I’ve still been on the pursuit for work since, but it’s rough finding something I really want.

What have I learned about myself the past four weeks? I’ve learned that I hate being unemployed! It feels weird. It feels unproductive. Out of all five years that I’ve attended college, this is the only one in which I have been jobless. Sure, I have homework to keep me busy, but when I’m done, it seems surreal that I have nothing else to do. One thing I can say is that I’ve improved my NBA 2k online play record up to [I’ll update this number later. Too lazy to turn on my PS3].

I have too much time on my hands. It has never felt so nice to tell someone that I can do anything I’d like at any time of the day on any day of the week. I feel like I’m in high school! Well, I haven’t fit in size 30 size pants in a while…

One of the main reasons I’m unemployed is because I refuse to work for Jamba Juice again. Five years of slapping blenders (an effective technique that can help remove air pockets in the smoothie) was enough for me; Rodman left the Pistons, didn’t he? I wasn’t getting paid enough and did a lot more work than I was recognized for. I’m done ranting. I sound like a disgruntled employee who sucked, when in actuality, I was decent at the art of directing smoothie makers and I can call myself an expert of smoothie creation.

Another week of sifting through Indeed, Jobing, and Craigslist passed by and the search is still strong and in full of effect; Elizabeth Smart was found, wasn’t she? I’m gonna find a job, but it will take time. *Shameless plug of the song I wrote entitled “Take Time.” You can search for it. I’m not gonna force you to watch that.

What will I be doing in the meantime? Homework, NBA2k/COD, wash dishes, try to sweep the house, and cuddle con mi chihuahuas. Don’t criticize my Spanish.

Today has been one of the most uplifting days during my tenure as a professional house attendant. My beloved San Diego Chargers triumphed over the defending Super Bowl Champions, the Seattle Seahawks. Dressed in their white hot uniforms, the bolts definitely proved they could shine and rise up to the occasion. With a vintage performance by Rivers and Gates, the Chargers kept the lead all game– but don’t forget, the defense sealed the deal.

Now to end this segment of Remi’s Beat, I’d like to propose something:

I have a personal…let’s call it a philosophy: Madden ’15 and NBA 2k15, along with their yearly successors, should only be played on a PS4. Now let’s take action! By reading these final words, you have contractually bound yourself to donating $15 the “PS4Brent” charity.

https://vine.co/v/OaIzdWiEF9P
Copy and paste to watch Richard Sherman get shook by second-year WR Keenan Allen.

I didn’t know how to embed that, but when I figure it out, I will include a Vine video in a future post to show-off my embedding skills.

Kevin Durant “The Badd35t”